MattShea
Friday 11 Jan 2013 - 1:00 PM

10 Great Remixes of Rubbish Songs

Man, there was some rubbish released in 2012. Poor songs built by label design and then pushed upon a willing (note: not always willing) public. Indeed, the last ten years have been such a fustercluck for the majors that they’ll grab at anything that could potentially sell, meaning pop music by and large has been getting stupider and stupider.

Thankfully, though, those not plugged into the major label system have had to get smarter. And the new decade has been one where we’ve witnessed the continued rise of the small-time producer – artists who might even be operating from their bedrooms, but with massive music collections, technical knowhow and an uncanny ability to navigate around a song.

It means even the worst turds can be shined into musical gold. Here are ten of the best examples of 2012. Listen to the originals, if you dare.

10. Joyce – ‘Keep the Lights On’ (Clams Casino remix)

Joyce’s ethereal, stuttering debut single ‘Keep the Lights On’ is so stylistically on point it’s not funny. It’s also not very good. Enter Clams Casino.

9. Wale – ‘Lotus Flower Bomb’ (Hesk remix)

Thankfully, Hesk completed this mix before being compelled to cut his own ears off.

8. Enter Shikari – ‘Arguing With Thermometers’ (Goth-Trad remix)

I know everyone else loves them, but I can’t help but find the revolutionary intentions of Enter Shikari a total yawnfest. Maybe it’s because they’re from St Albans. Japan’s Goth-Trad understands my pain.

7. Big Sean – ‘Dance (A$$)’ (Buraka Som Sistema Bootyleg)

MC Hammer sampling Rick James is magic. Big Sean sampling MC Hammer is rubbish (no matter how much Nicki Minaj talks about her anus). Buraka Som Sistema went out and made things more palatable.

6. LOL Boys – ‘Changes’ (Shlohmo remix)

This LOL Boys cut had the potential to be great. Thankfully, Shlohmo made it so.

5. Chairlift – ‘Belong in Your Arms’ (John Talabot & Pional 6.15AMix)

I’m just going to throw it out there: Chairlift are as boring as batshit. There, I said it. John Talabot and Pional feel me.

4. Flosstradamus – ‘Rollup’ (Baauer Remix)

This is where I get confused. The original ‘Rollup’ wasn’t actually too bad, so maybe I should be putting it lower on this list. But then that would discourage you to listen to this Baauer remix, which is fucking amazing.

3. Zinc feat. States of Emotion – ‘Goin In’ (Royal-T remix)

I won’t sugar coat it: ‘Goin In’ is probably the worst song I heard all year. That’s what happens when Zinc collaborates with an Essex band called States of Emotion, who possess “not only big ambition, but the sound to back it up.” Cool story, bro. What this list makes you wonder is how some of these producers got near such trash in the first place. Royal-T is braver than most.

2. Jeremih – ‘Fuck You All the Time’ (Shlohmo remix)

I used to laugh at Jeremih and his ‘Birthday Sex’ song. These days I kinda ride for the guy. Still, this remix is the best thing his name’s ever been attached to. Ever. (This whole list could’ve been made up of Shlohmo remixes, so I think two is fine)