Rudd calls for warm and fuzzy politics (now that he’s in) - 10 Things
That’s right—now that Prime Minister-
elect-, Kevin Rudd ABA*, has booted current(?) ex-Prime Minister Julia Gillard out of The Lodge he’s asking colleagues on all sides to “try, just try, to be a little kinder and gentler with each other in the deliberations of… parliament.” Well fuck me Monday through Sunday; did he only come up with this winning advice as he cleaned the red hair and lipstick off of his Julius Marlow brogues? Rudd took the time to praise Gillard—which is very easy to do when you’re adjusting the lumbar support on a still-warm office chair. Abbott chimed in on the new PM too: "May he elevate that office…” to what, Mr. Abbott? I didn’t agree with everything she did, but should we elevate that office to a man-size dude lodge? Or to a flaccid penis shrine, clad in Speedos? Okay, sorry for that tangent, but amirite?
*ABA: Anyone But Abbott
In the same situation, I’d have left my whole body impression in the wall AND I’d have screamed like a little boy, screaming like a little girl—not that there’s anything abnormal with that. Five days after returning from a trip to Borneo, 23-year-old Zoology student Vicky Raitt woke to find a three-inch long Asian forest scorpion, which had likely stowed away in her broken suitcase. A hand span from her face, the scorpion had its tail raised, poised to attack (but more likely defend). The adorable little critter is now safe from the harsh Scottish summer at the local SPCA.
In his address to Parliament on Thursday, Peter Slipper alleged that Joe Hockey approached eccentric billionaire, Clive Palmer, to cover James Ashby’s legal fees in the case against Peter Slipper. Naturally, Hockey denied the allegation and demanded Slipper withdraw it. But Palmer has confirmed the allegation is true.
“… There are cultural forces out there, arrayed and aligned in a way which is contrary to that traditional view that I have spelled out.” That’s right Kevin, in our culture the majority agree (or aren’t offended enough to disagree) with same-sex marriage. It’s that classic cultural push against your tradition… the same reason why most Catholics actually eat meat on Fridays… and most Christians don’t attend church on Sundays and quite happily fuck one another before they enter into… the time-honoured tradition of marriage.
Whether or not we get equal marriage rights, it’s really important that folks in same-sex relationships can retire and spend their twilight years together in peace. That requirement is a lot more likely now that discrimination against gays and lesbians by religious aged care facilities was outlawed this week. Naturally, the Federal Opposition unsuccessfully moved to block the law citing a rather flimsy infringement of religious freedom argument. Why non-religious gay couples would want to spend the rest of their lives in a religious institution is beyond me.
Porn merchants, know this!: if you are currently making a buck from your wares on Google’s Blogger site—that bucking will stop at the end of this month. So as you migrate your content to Tumblr, like you’ve always intended but just CBF doing so until now, just be thankful it all ties in nicely with the new financial year!
Today Tonight’s 90 seconds of awkward
Despite it being a show marginally more dreadful than the pathetic A Current Affair, my heart went out to Today Tonight’s presenter, Helen Kapalos, as I watched her squirm through her 90-second “TV death”. Helen was left ad-libbing when her teleprompter died. Without even the safety of an unscheduled commercial break, Helen awkwardly tries to move to a story about a radical Muslim. Brilliant stuff.
Here’s why circus’ featuring animals are not a good thing—Madi, a frail 48-year-old Indian elephant, struggles to regain her footing in an Estonian river. The circus owner’s brother frolics about the hapless Madi until she falls still. The fuckwit’s final insult is to jump on Madi’s corpse, in this edited version of the video. Put him in a cage and make him do tricks.
Pharmaceuticals billionaire Stewart Rahr marked his recent divorce from Carol, his wife of 43 years, with a sex tape. The footage, that Rahr sent to his friends, shows him encouraging women go at each other in the back of his limousine in the south of France. The 67-year-old calls himself the “king of all fun”, which is an insight into what a sad loser he is. No doubt