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German jobseeker accidentally sent to work in brothel - 10 Things

Local Employment service providers, you might want to take heed from the somewhat embarrassing experience of the Ausberg branch of the Federal Labor Office. "Christine", a 19 year old job seeker, got a letter from the employment agency informing her that they'd found her a bar job at the Ausberg Colosseum, a very fancy looking brothel (and just before you click on that link, be advised that it's totally not safe for work), and that she must have an "attractive appearance" and be able to work nights. "Christine" was not all that chuffed about this new role, especially since, as she informed the Ausberger Allegmeine, she was looking for "a decent housekeeping job". The agency have apologised, but also pointed out that since brothels are legal in Germany the position was totally legit - but that they really should have checked with "Christine" first. Um, yeah. Maybe should've.

Congratulations, Australian ladies: you may still not earn as much as men do, you might still suffer a disproportionate burden when it comes to providing child care, have higher levels of poverty and still not be able to walk the streets of your own cities in safety, but at least you've closed the gap on one thing: alcohol abuse! Yes, in a triumph for gender equality the National Drug and Alcohol Research Centre at the University of NSW have found that you dames are just as drunk as we chaps, start drinking at the same young age and are even less likely to do something about seeking help. We always knew you had it in you, gals.

Vale Stewie, World's Longest Cat and beloved internet forward: the 1.23 metre long Maine Coon cat lost his battle with Lymphosarcoma on Monday. The plucky feline, who took his online celebrity with grace and dignity, never forgetting his roots and still visiting seniors in his hometown of Reno, underwent chemotherapy last year but the cancer returned and not even his mighty length could save him. This leaves the field wide open for a new longest cat, but let's remember him the way that the Guinness Book of Records did. 
In other feline-related news, the cat is now the new Monopoly piece as voted for by the internet because obviously. So it's hello kitty, goodbye flat iron. And seriously, who didn't know that was coming? And don't get too cocky there, battleship: the second there's another online vote and bacon is an option, you're in the vault too. 

Well, the whole Islamic-Rebel-uprising-taking-over-Mali thing appears to have settled down - so much so that French forces are wondering if they couldn't start heading home within weeks. The city of Kidal has been reclaimed and the rebel forces scattered into the Sahara, where there is some concern they will begin to stage guerrilla attacks. African forces - principally from Mali and neighbouring Chad - have already taken over from French forces in Timbuktu and Gao, though French air forces will stick around for a while just in case. Might be a good idea.

Oh, sure think UK Government: give the nod for the gays to get married, but deny the rights of straight people to have civil partnerships? What's with the double standard, you hypocrites? That's just some of the things that no sane person is yelling, leaving it all up to Tory MP Christopher Chope to bravely speak out in support of long-suffering straight people who just want to enjoy the same freedoms and protections as gay couples. "I think we should be promoting marriage rather than looking at any other way of weakening it," PM David Cameron announced in response, fighting the urge to roll his eyes and make jerking-off motions. Still, great to hear that he's there to protect marriage from being weakened - because obviously it's totally under threat and all…

Today in Chris Brown news: Frank Ocean might have dismissed charges against the violent moron and occasional musician for slugging him in a studio carpark, but now it looks like Breezy might have to start his community service all over again just because all the work he's already done was completely made up. Brown was sentenced to 1400 hours of community service for beating the shit out of his then-and-again-current girlfriend Rihanna and had been busily completing over 800 of them, but now prosecutors are alleging that 500+ hours for floor waxing Brown has claimed to have undertaken at the Tappahannock Children's Center doesn't count since a) it was supposedly performed secretly at night when no-one other than his alleged supervisor was aware of it, b) was under the watchful eye of said supervisor who may have had a vested interest in lying about how much work he was doing, since said supervisor was - and we're not making this up - his mum (who used to be the director of the facility) and c) that the maintenance person hired to actually do the job during the day still mysteriously got paid for doing it, and when asked about it claimed that he actually did the job just like he was employed to and hadn't noticed that secret night-elves had waxed the floor for him every day. Other dubious claims include that last March Brown spent eight hours picking up trash while records show he was on a private jet heading to Cancun (in his defence, maybe the jet was community-owned and filthy), while in October he was picking up garbage in Richmond, Virginia with the power of his mind, since his physical body was in Washington, DC. Californian prosecutors are arguing that Brown should be expected to either complete his sentence or at the very least become a more competent liar. Seriously, Brown, primary school kids are better at faking shit than this.

The frostiness between Japan and China over who exactly owns a bunch of islands in the East China Sea dropped a few more degrees last week when Japanese destroyer Yuudachi was targeted by missile control radar by a Chinese frigate. On Tuesday the Japanese Defence Minister Itsunori Onodera, asked the polite and official version of "seriously, what the fuck?": "This is extremely abnormal behaviour, and we believe with a small mistake it could have led to a very dangerous situation," he told reporters of the current stand off near the Diaoyu Islands (if you're Chinese) aka Senkaku (if you're Japanese). Japan bought the islands off a private owner last year, but China are claiming it's sovereign territory. 

Two park rangers have been hospitalised in Indonesia after a two metre long Komodo dragon wandered into their office on Tuesday and proceeded to bite 'em up good. Both were badly injured and were airlifted to a Balinese hospital - which they're going to need, because it was discovered in 2009 that Komodo dragon saliva is actually laced with a venom that causes a deadly drop in blood pressure (similar to that of the taipan, toxicology fans!). There probably won't be any consequences for the mighty lizard, though: we're still winning in the numbers game, with over 7 billion of us and less than 4000 of them. 

And finally, we have a new largest prime number! Well, more specifically, we now KNOW of a new largest prime number, what with the number of integers being infinite and all, and it is 2 to the power of 57,885,161, minus 1 (and we choose to express it thusly, since the actual number is over 17 million digits long). Prime numbers are only divisible by themselves and one and this new one was discovered by a robot: specifically, by the linked computers running the Great Internet Mersenne Prime Search, also known by the unfortunate acronym "GIMPS". So there you go. 

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