Trends to quit in 2013
By now the post Christmas sale racks look a lot like Jessica Simpson – looking a little dishevelled and showcasing the worst styles from the year that was.
Let’s make our future generations proud this year by not using Starburst as a colour chart for our locks, wearing hemlines that aren’t inspired by Chuck Norris’ hair and reconsidering shoes that can take you from cardio to cocktail hour.
Here’s some things we need to stop wearing in 2013:
Colour blocking went too far in 2012, a time when you could legitimately call someone “Fanta pants”.
There’s a reason Baby Spice didn’t get pregnant until she was like 40 – these are it.
Isabel Marant you win. Again. First in 2011 we gorged on your Renell skinny jeans and then the fashionable femmes of 2012 forked out more than $700 for extreme high fashion high-tops which were, as summed up by Man Repeller, “truly ugly but comfortable” kicks.
Unless you actually are the other Boleyn girl then no, put those pants that look like they were fashioned out of Victorian drapes away and live vicariously through Downton Abbey instead.
Leave these to Kate Moss and those who get paid to be pretty – these are too hot and too hard for the Aussie culture and climate. You may start the night resembling ONJ in her Sandy years but during the months of January to April you’ll end up looking like Ross from Friends.
Let’s throw away the outfits that can be summarised by blokes who wear more King Gee than Kenneth Cole as “business up front and a party down the back”. The worst thing about these is that the party isn't even at the back, It's nowhere. There is no party.
Kristen Stewart’s greatest legacy will not be Bella Swan. In 2012 she taught us how to bounce back from sleeping with your married boss and cheating on your boyfriend by committing a more sinister crime. Everyone forgot her adulterous ways (and the train wreck that was the final Twilight chapter) when she took to the red carpet in dresses with more sheer panels and peek-a-boo windows than the confession booths at the Vatican.
My Little Pony hair
The colour of your hair really shouldn’t match the colour of your fruit bowl unless you are Nicki Minaj, Kelly Osborne, Katy Perry and, heaven forbid, Christina Aguilera who all rocked bright pink, violet and yellow hair. It looks bananas but unless you want to be confused for being bananas then it’s time to squash Mr Murphy’s colour bugs.
Half shaved heads
First it was Alice Dellal then Miley and Ke$ha picked up their Gillette Venus blades. If you’re not auditioning for the Les Misérables sequel try a top knot instead of a flattop.
Unless you follow Christian Dior’s original style plan from the 40s (eg wear peplum with a pencil skirt at or below the knee) leave this look where it belongs in the Bed Skirt section at Sheridan.
(Images credited in gallery)