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Top Ten Schwarzenegger Post Murder One-Liners

It’s never been enough for Arnold Schwarzenegger to take your life: he has to take your dignity as well. Acknowledging a good fight or saluting a fallen foe is not his style. What IS his style is murdering you then making a joke about you so everyone still alive knows you were rubbish. Presumably it’s only the fact there are more – oh so very many more – people out there that he needs to kill that prevents his movies from showing scenes where he turns up at his victims funerals to deliver an eulogy that’s basically “mess with the best, die like the rest” before pissing on the coffin. Fortunately, in the limited time he has between actual killing, he’s managed to fit in the following classic murder insults.

10. Predator: “Stick around”.

Predator
is actually a really good and relatively serious Schwarzenegger film that keeps to cornball antics to a minimum, but when Arnold and his squad (“we’re a rescue team, not assassins,” as he describes them minutes before they gun down an entire Central American army base) are on the job, you can’t seriously expect the great man not to crack a joke after impaling some guy to a tree with a well-flung machete.

9. Eraser: “You’re luggage”.

Okay, not a great line (and definitely not a great film), but keep this in mind: Arnold says it to an alligator. It’s like he has some kind of psychological disorder really. There’s still time for him to make a film featuring a scene where he puts a slice of bread under a griller and says “you’re toast”.

8. The Running Man: “He had to split”.

Now this is more like it. The Running Man is little more than a collection of murders held together by bad jokes, so it’s only until you think about it afterwards that the true horror hits you: you’ve been cheering on a “hero” who can slice a man named Buzzsaw in half with his own chainsaw then calmly tell his gal sidekick “he had to split”. 

3 comments so far..

  • Yilgahn's avatar
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    Yilgahn
    Date and time
    Monday 18 Feb 2013 - 4:17 PM
    Tried start a "best one liners (all comers)" on FB once.

    To me "I'm not wearing hockey pants" from The Dark Knight has to be up there in the Top Ten.
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  • Jacxson's avatar
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    Jacxson
    Date and time
    Monday 18 Feb 2013 - 11:12 PM
    Haha funny read! thanks!
    Was this inspired by the Ricky Gervais podcast where Stephen talks about James Bond being a psycho?
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  • QuirkyMissKiwi's avatar
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    QuirkyMissKiwi
    Date and time
    Friday 22 Feb 2013 - 10:57 AM
    I chuckled quietly at #9. Since it reminded me of the cartoon looking alligator, as an alligator purse teapot that my Mother owns!
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